because i don't know if i will ever give this to you


I am a writer
I am a poet

...i never say this
because i never feel this...

But for now,
I am a writer
I am a poet

because right now i don't have anything else to give
nothing more at my disposal
than words...

stupid, anemic, unfairly asked to rise for the occasion
words

i'd like to write you a new body
rewire your genius to not challenge the world
reset your willpower
sober your denial

write you perspective
not your death
but your dying
a tube jettisoned from every hole in your face
breathing for you, living for you

wish i could write something for you to stuff
everywhere

but i don't believe in my writing
my words
because i never truly wanted so much from a word
never asked them to be an alloy for every part of me that loves,
never asked them to be selfless, detached from me
and only for you

you need to know,
beyond seeing you like this will hurt...
this collapses
my mom is collapsing