I'll write a haiku next time. Sorry for the length. I really got into this one and I think I may start using it once I polish it up. You can get a sense of the humor by imagining me busting this poem and actually mouthing the words that I've inserted blanks in.


Before there was english
Before there was English who spoke english
Even Before there was language for the English to derive english from
and Before there were people to make language for the people named the English to derive the language they named after themselves (I'm sure that's how it happpened...)...

...There was an old white man...

...And his name was God...

...And the Old White Man named God said "Let there be light"...

...and there was light...

...The Old White Man named God could then see into the future...

...And He saw people...

...people who made language...

...and people who made language for the people named the English to derive the language they named after themselves: english (I'm sure that's how it happened...).

The Old White Man named God liked alot of the words in this english language.

Words like, I don't know, lackdaisacal, connundrum, deja vu, and nigger, probably.

The Old White Man named God said some of these words are nearly unnacceptable but I will let it slide.

Words like stupid, slut, fa sho, fellatio, and nigger, probably.

The Old White Man named God said "These following words are not recommended..."

...Words like shit, bitch, ass, damn...

And then the Old White Man Named God said fiercely, "But ye shall absolutely positively not sayest F__k!

...And it was so...

The Old White Man named God gave no reason as to why we could not say f__k, we just could not say f__k.

The Old White Man named God even formed a counsel of angels that would ensure that the word f__k was never heard on television, radio, and PG-13 movies...we know them as the b__ch a_s FCC.

I must say that they've loosened up over time. I mean, I remember when we use to hear people say "d__n" on TV. We'd be like "Oh s__t, Danny Tanner just said 'd__n'!"

And now they just don't give a f__k...they've allowed "a_s" and "s__t" on the radio, b___h on network tv, and Janet Jackson's left t___y at Superbowl Halftime

But still no F__K!
I mean, what the F__K?!?
What's so f__kin' bad about f__k?
F__k ain't never done s__t to no one.

I've seen movies with shooting, stabbing, drugdeals, abusive husbands and between-the -sheet f__k scenes, but the characters can't say f__k

They must say fluff. Or fudge. And everyone knows he's really saying f__k. But he's not, he's saying fudge. But I don't think gun-holding, knife-having, drugdealing, wife-beaters say "fudge you, man!" They say "f__k you" . They shoot someone and say "f__k you". Stab someone and say "f__k you". "F__k you". Maybe "f__k you, muthaf__ka". But there is simply no logical progression to fudge. And who the f__k thought fudge was a decent replacement.

The b___h a_s FCC.

...f__k ain't never sold drugs...

Or shot someone...

Or raped someone...

They don't even call rape f__king, they call it RAPE. Rape should be a bad word.

Yet I've seen and heard "rape" on TV and still no f__k.

It's like f__k scenes that blur out the t__ty. I know what a t__ty looks like. We've all seen a t__ty! At a very young age, may I add. But they insist on depriving me of the t__ty. I can't even say t__ty. This is f__kin' bulls__t,

Oh, Old White Man named God! Why can't I just say F__K, PLEASE?

I don't understand. Do you really expect me to say "doodoo" instead of s__t. What makes the word "butt" any better than the word "a_s". It refers to the same f__kin' body part, right! But I can't say a_s, I must say butt...and what's even more frustrating is that I can't even say f__k to express my anger about it...

...At the Black Entertainment Network that would run videos set in strip clubs with strippers on poles on a program called Uncut and only cut out the cuss words

...At appointed commissions that decide that violence is less harmful than words that couldn't even describe those graphic depictions.

...At old white men who think they are God (obviously).

And most of all, at counselors and organizers and activists and teachers who ask for me for me to encourage free, critical and uncompromising thinking in their youth as long as I follow the illogical rules of the Old White Man named God who placed them in that f__ked position in the first place. Not fudged up. Not fluffed up. F__ked up. Because it is f__ked up. And they know it. They won't even f__k with me unless I tell them exactly how it is.

So how do you expect me to not say f__k! Is that what I'm suppose to tell the kids?

"Just say NO, but don't say f__k" or

"I know you kids are already f__king, just make sure to wear a condom and label the activity as 'intercourse'" or

"Don't say f__k, and you'll make it to college, like me and all the other kids who didn't say f__k, but really did, they just made sure not to say f__k in front of their teachers and parents, who made sure they didn't f__k in front of them".

This is some dumb ____ mutha______ bulls____ ____ _____ and ____ ____ ___ godd___ ____ because _____ ____ piece of ____ _____, nigga.

And that's all I got to f__kin' say.